Aperture Goes Camping
by Xelac
Summary: To study humans in their 'natural' habitat, GLaDOS and the gang, in human forms, go on a camping trip.  However, they're really just going to get into trouble... as usual. Involving campfires, kidnapping, sugar, pranks, and suspicious fish.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is kind of a spin-off of Average Life at Aperture Science, though you only really need to read part of the first chapter for descriptions of GLaDOS and Wheatley's human forms and know that you can find pictures of the human versions of the cores on forte-girl7's Deviant ART page. It's not exactly like ALaAS; the only big difference is that instead of there being the real GLaDOS and a human copy named Glados, there's just GLaDOS in human form. This is because I feel like it. And, to the relief of a few people, the Fourth Wall won't be broken in this fic. Well, breaking it may be implied, but I'm not going to light it up with dynamite like I've been doing in ALaAS.**

**Also, ALaAS probably won't be updated for a long, long time. In fact, it might not be updated at all, except for perhaps some sort of closure. I hope that I can include a Halloween special, though. I guess you can think of this as its replacement, though it probably won't get above ten chapters.**

**To whom it may concern: Yes, I know I should be working on ASHEaDE, but I'm experiencing writer's block right now for it. Chapter 9 is in progress, though (In case you haven't noticed, ch. 8 is out).**

**On to the fic!**

A large, black van plowed through a huge field of wheat away from what looked like an electrical shack conveniently placed in the middle of nowhere. Inside was a rather odd group.

Driving the van was GLaDOS, who had placed herself in a human body to conduct experiments outside of the Enrichment Centre. She had brought a small band with her, including her former test subject who was sitting in the passenger seat and staring silently out the window (she had escaped the Centre, only to come back out of sheer boredom and had turned out to be not as mute as previously thought), and a group of humanized cores who were sitting in the van's two rows of backseats.

In the first row, sitting by the window on the left, was Fact, who was muttering facts of questionable accuracy about everything from the wheat in the field, to the clouds in the sky, to the dangerously acidic pineapples that could apparently be found back in Aperture Laboratories. In the middle was Wheatley, who was feeling uncomfortably crowded and fighting carsickness. He had been brought back to the Enrichment Centre by a _very_ confused astronaut, as well as Space, and had been tortured mercilessly ever since. Next to the right side window was Intelligence, or Intell for short, whose eyes were focused on his knees as he muttered absentmindedly about cake ingredients.

In the back row, by the left side window was Curiosity, who had her eyes glued to the window as she asked random questions to no one in particular about everything she saw, which honestly wasn't much despite the endless stream of questions. Sitting in the middle was Space, who was grumbling sadly about his lack of space. On the right was Rick, who was proudly showing off his muscles to no one in particular other than himself.

Yes, it was a very odd group indeed.

In the back of the van, large amounts of supplies were stored, supplies needed for, as you have probably already guessed, camping. They were, after all, trying to observe humans in their natural habitat.

"How long is the drive going to be?" Wheatley asked, the bumpiness of driving straight through a wheat field making him uneasy.

"Approximately six hours once we reach an actual road," Fact reported in a monotone voice.

"What? Oh, you've _got_ to tell me this is one of his facts that aren't really facts!" Wheatley protested.

"Unfortunately, he's right," GLaDOS confirmed, not very enthusiastic herself.

"What are we supposed to do for six bloody hours in a car?" he whined.

"We could play I Spy!" Curiosity suggested excitedly.

"I spy space!" Space immediately declared.

"That's not how you play the game!" Curiosity told him.

"I lost the Game!" Chell said casually.

"I LOST THE GAME!" everyone else chimed in.

The Game. You just lost it.

Anyway…

"There isn't really that much to spy," Wheatley pointed out as if nothing happened, "Oh, I know! 99 companion cubes on the wall, 99 companion cubes!"

Everyone else, except GLaDOS, chimed in, "TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 98 COMPANION CUBES ON THE WALL!"

"Not this again…" GLaDOS banged her forehead on the steering wheel. Several times.

"GLADOS! THE ROAD!" Chell shrieked, as if they were about to hit something.

Instinctively, GLaDOS slammed on the breaks, causing everyone in the van to scream in shock and lurch forward.

"Wait a minute, we're not even on the road!" GLaDOS yelled, glaring at Chell as the car started again.

"Exactly," the former test subject replied, grinning.

"98 companion cubes on the wall, 98 companion cubes!" Everyone, except GLaDOS, resumed, with accelerated speed and clapping, "Take one down, pass it around, 97 companion cubes on the wall!"

"Why are the companion cubes on the wall? And what wall are we talking about? Why are we taking them down and passing them around?" Curiosity asked happily.

"We don't know, just go with it!" Wheatley replied, laughing and forgetting about his carsickness.

"97 COMPANION CUBES ON THE WALL, 97 COMPANION CUBES! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 96 COMPANION CUBES ON THE WALL!"

(One hour later)

"Negative 42 companion cubes on the wall, negative 42 companion cubes…" a few people sang without much enthusiasm, "Take one down, pass it around, negative 43 companion cubes on the wall…"

"How can there be a negative number of companion cubes?" Curiosity asked.

"For the fifth time, WE DON'T KNOW," Wheatley replied exasperatedly.

They had recently come to the road, and were driving along a highway through a small town.

"Hey, maybe since we're not in the middle of nowhere anymore, we can play I Spy now," Wheatley suggested, always one to try to lift the mood.

"This is such a small human settlement," GLaDOS retorted, "I doubt we'll find anything inter- Hey, that guy has a Periodic Table on his shirt! It's missing at least ten elements though…"

"You're such a _nerd_, GLaDOS," Chell said.

(2 hours later)

"I'm hungry," Wheatley suddenly blurted out.

"You're always hungry," GLaDOS pointed out.

"I'm hungry too!" Curiosity said.

"Fact: I am hungry. Hunger is due to-" Fact began.

"Don't finish that," Rick warned.

"Ooh, can we stop somewhere to get something to eat? Where can we stop? Is the food up here any different than the food we eat at home?" Curiosity asked excitedly.

"I don't think the food back there is any different from up here, unless GLaDOS did something weird to it…" Chell pondered.

"The only thing that's _weird_ about our food is that it's survived for over a thousand years without spoiling," GLaDOS explained.

"I say we stop!" Rick voted, as if only his vote counted, "Even a hero's gotta eat!"

"Fact: No one here is a hero," Fact stated.

"Why I otta-"

"ALRIGHT. We'll stop," GLaDOS said exasperatedly.

And so they stopped at a pizza place called John Papa's. It was some sort of buffet with at least 29.4 types of pizza among other things, including caffeinated soft drinks.

If you've read ALaAS, you know what sugar does to these people. Now ponder for a second what might happen with caffeine.

Yep.

"I THROW MY CHIPS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES, WHEN I'M ANGRY, WHEN I'M ANGRY!" Everyone randomly sang, "I LIKE TO JAM AND EAT MY FOOD ALL DAY, 'CAUSE I'M CRAZY, KINDA LAZY! AND NOW I'M THIRSTY SO, PASS ME THAT CAN OF PIE! WE GONNA DRINK IT UP LIKE IT'S COKE AND SPRITE! I'M GONNA MIX IT ONCE, NOW I'LL MIX IT TWICE! WE GONNA DRINK IT UP LIKE IT'S COKE AND SPRITE!"

They were getting several strange looks, but they didn't care. They were insane, after all.

It wasn't long before they were kicked out of the restaurant.

"OMIGAWD THAT PIZZA WAS BLOODY DELICIOUS!" Wheatley yelled as they drove away from the restaurant at about 50 miles per hour over the speed limit.

Everyone in the car was all jittery; giggling and twitching out of control. Even GLaDOS, who had nearly rammed the van headfirst into at least two semi-trucks, but had only laughed manically each time as they hurtled down the highway.

"HEY LOOK IKEA!" Chell yelled, pointing.

"WE NEED TO GO THERE! IKEA IS AWESOOOOME!" Rick hollered.

The van parked beside the massive superstore, aka nearly crashing into it and scaring away and almost killing many innocent pedestrians.

Laughing hysterically enough to alarm the security guards to the point of not kicking them out on the spot, the highly caffeinated group skipped into IKEA.

They proceeded to run about the store, playing hide and seek, misplacing things, and trying to figure out what surfaces would contain portals and what would be the most amusing to cover in Repulsion Gel. The guards eventually got over their extreme fear of extreme insanity, and the Aperture Gang was soon involved in a high-speed chase around the store. This really just caused more trouble, since they would knock things over and climb over the furniture as they fled from the flustered and confused security guards.

Finally, after at least an hour and a half, the gang dashed out of the store, piled into the van, and sped off, leaving many to wonder what the heck just happened.

(4 hours later)

After they had calmed down from their caffeinated shenanigans, the group rode on in silence. Over seven hours had passed since they left the Enrichment Centre, and the sun was setting, but due to all of their delays they were at least an hour away from the campsite, even though they had already begun to drive through the forests and wooded areas that surrounded the site.

Several times woodland animals, such as deer, raccoons, and even a fox had crossed their path. The van was made of Aperture brand reinforced steel, and GLaDOS couldn't care less if she hit them, but if you were driving and everyone else in the car screamed "STOOOOP!" what would you do?

The van finally pulled to a stop at the check-in area of the campsite. Apparently, this is the sort of campsite in which you can reserve one or more cabins, with cabins coming in units of six. Each cabin had two rooms, a bedroom with two beds and a bathroom, a single ceiling fan, a few electric lights, running water in the bathroom, but no air conditioning. Each unit of cabins was arranged in a horseshoe-shaped formation with a couple of wooden picnic tables and a fire pit in the middle that had to be shared by all of the cabins. I guess it's like the sort of camp that kids go to during the summer, like for scouts or church camp, but for all ages and no adults telling you what to do. Frankly, I've never heard of a campsite like that, but it seems to fit for this particular fanfiction.

Since there were eight of them on this trip, they had only reserved four cabins, and knew that they could have to share their unit with four other people. GLaDOS didn't mind, though, since that would allow her to observe other humans more closely.

"This looks like the perfect place for adventure!" Rick said excitedly as they piled out of the van and examined the unit they were assigned to. There was another car nearby, and they could see that the lights were on in one of the other cabins. Rick took a deep, highly exaggerated breath. "Smell the air! The woods are probably full of deadly animals!"

"Are there really deadly animals?" Curiosity asked with wide eyes, looking around at the dark forests that surrounded the unit. If you've ever gone camping, you know that the woods tend to look a little more intimating at night, and the sun had set an hour ago.

GLaDOS laughed softly. "After what we've seen on the way? There's nothing particularly deadly here."

"Unless we run into, say, a venomous snake," Chell pointed out calmly.

Rick made a hissing sound, and Curiosity jumped and tried to hide behind Wheatley.

"Oi, don't be mean," Wheatley said, giving Rick a not-very-intimidating scowl that Rick just smirked at.

"Enough," GLaDOS silenced everyone, "Just start unloading the van."

"Uh, are we rooming with the same person we do at the Enrichment Centre?" Wheatley asked.

"To be honest, if you two room together I'm sure something bad will happen. Not that something bad hasn't _already_ happened," GLaDOS replied, "You and Chell will be separated-"

"Good," Chell commented, "Wheatley snores _really_ loudly…"

"No I don't!" he protested.

"-And you will be rooming with me," GLaDOS finished, smirking at Chell.

"WHAT?"

(Meanwhile)

ATLAS and P-body stood in the Central AI Chamber, watching as the elevator to the surface disappeared through the ceiling.

"Hmm, what should we do while GLaDOS isn't here?" ATLAS pondered mischievously. P-body was about to answer when they were interrupted.

"Nothing," Morality said sternly, "She left _me_ in charge, and I intend to have the Centre in one piece when she comes back."

"Awww…" The two turned around and saw her standing behind them with her arms crossed and a warning look in her dark purple eyes. When she gave them a firm jerk of her head to tell them to leave the chamber, they quickly walked out, though they both had identical mischievous grins spreading across their faces.

**A/N: Yes, it's obvious that ATLAS and P-body are up to no good, and the two extra cabins have OC's occupying them. Three of the OC's should be rather familiar… Does getting tied upside down to GLaDOS's mainframe ring any bells?**

**Also, in case you're wondering about the Game…**

**Rule #1: You are now playing the Game.**

**Rule #2: If you think about the Game, you lose the Game.**

**Rule #3: If you lose the Game, you must announce out loud 'I lost the Game'.**

**Rule #4: You cannot stop playing the Game.**

**You just lost the Game. Again.**


	2. Roommates

**A/N: This was meant to be posted over a week ago, but I spent last weekend out of town and this week has been too busy to get anything fanfiction wise done.**

Section 1: The First Night/Day of Camping

Roommate Troubles

GLaDOS and Chell

"Heeeey, GLaDOS,"

"…What is it?"

"You know I'm going to constantly annoy you, right?"

Chell heard an exasperated sigh come from the bed on the other side of the room. The small cabin was almost pitch black since the only source of light was from a small window in the back, which didn't provide much since the only source of light outside was moonlight that was mostly blocked off by the trees.

"Yes, I do," came GLaDOS's irritated reply.

"Then why do I have to room with you?" Chell asked. She heard GLaDOS sit up, which probably meant she was about to go into one of her long and mostly boring explanations.

"First of all, I know that you probably have a lot of pranking in mind for this trip, and Wheatley is the only one whose dumb enough to go along with your plans and then get left behind as the only one caught. Placing you two in different cabins reduces how much time you have to pull him in to one of your little plots," she explained.

"That doesn't exactly answer why I have to room with _you_, especially since you know I'm going to just annoy you," Chell pressed.

"Weeell," GLaDOS went on, almost cheerfully, "Odds our _I'm_ the one you'd target for most of your pranks. Forcing you to room with me not only reduces what you can do but also gives me easy access for _revenge_."

There was silence for a moment.

"I see…" Chell commented, sounding almost amused.

"I brought some scientific equipment along," GLaDOS pointed out calmly, "I was planning on using it for a few small experiments on any humans we find out here, but now that I think about it, I'm sure using it on _you_ won't make a difference."

It wasn't like this was the first time Chell had received that threat, it wasn't like GLaDOS hadn't actually gone through with it before. Although each of these 'little experiments' had scarred her for life, she was unfortunately one of those people who can apparently be scarred for life quite a few times without it having an open overall effect.

"So, you'd rather be annoyed to death every night instead of withstanding a few pranks?" Chell asked in a slightly mocking tone.

"Keep this up and I'll inject something unpleasant into you while you sleep," GLaDOS threatened.

"Seriously, you could have just put me with Intell; he seriously creeps me out!"

"SHUT UP OR I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH A COMPANION CUBE!"

There was a moment of silence.

"You don't _have_ a Companion Cube," Chell retorted. Seconds later a pillow slapped her hard in the face.

Space and Curiosity

"Hey. Hey. HEY. Curi!" Space said, poking Curiosity in the ribs.

"What is it? What do you want, Space? Can't it wait 'till morning? Is it an emergency?" Curiosity asked sleepily.

"I heard that you can see space at night, especially when you're away from any cities or other human places," Space explained excitedly, "But there's so many trees that I can't see it. Do you think sometime we could go somewhere with less trees?"

"Maybe you can ask GLaDOS tomorrow?" Curi suggested, yawning. "What's space like?"

"Oh, oh, oh! It, it's big! _Really_ big! And black! With lots and lots of stars!" Space explained happily, waving his arms, "And there are planets and galaxies and Big Dippers and Little Dippers and…"

And he went on and on and on. AND ON.

Wheatley and Rick

Wheatley lay in bed, wide-awake and staring at the ceiling. And Chell had complained about his snoring! Rick sounded like a bloody freight train was coming through! And not only did he snore, he talked, too.

"Yeah… You little robber guys otta leave that purtty lady alone… Take that… And some uh this…"

Well, at least he now knew where all of Rick's adventure stories came from.

"Rah!" Rick's arm went straight into the air as he seemed to be trying to stand up, but he ended tumbling out of bed and onto the floor, and he continued to snore like nothing happened.

Intelligence and Fact

Intelligence and Fact, unlike most of the others, were both fast asleep.

"One 18.25 ounce packaged chocolate cake mix…"

"Cake mix was originally invented by the Dutch in 1814…"

"One can coconut pecan frosting…"

"Coconuts were discovered when native Hawaiian leader Kaakakona was killed by one falling from a tree…"

"3/4 cub vegetable oil…"

"Fact: Vegetables are a plant's way of telling you that being healthy is not in your best interest."

Meanwhile, at the Facility

"Yup, she's gone! In fact, almost everyone's gone. The only ones left here are me, P-body, Moral, and Anger."

"…"

"Yeah, it might not be as fun without those two, but still. We have the whole facility to ourselves!"

"…"

"Yes, ol' Moral's in charge, but we can handle her."

"…"

"So you'll come over? Alright! PARTY AT APERTURE!"

Back at the Campsite: The Next Day

In the morning, a few members of the gang were woken by the sound of loud laughter coming from outside. Well, technically, everyone was woken by it, but only a few weren't too lazy to drag their butts out of bed to investigate.

They found the occupants of the last two cabins of their unit: Three vaguely familiar 14-year-old girls. They had a fire going in the fire pit and had set up a grate over it that suspended two frying pans, one of which contained bacon and eggs in the other.

"That sounds _horrifying_!" one of them, a girl with shoulder-length blond hair and blue eyes, commented to another, looking scared even though she was giggling.

"I know! I'm too scared to actually watch that movie!" a girl with black hair and brown eyes replied, laughing.

The third, who had long, dark blond hair and brown eyes was just laughing at whatever funny yet apparently frightening thing the second girl had described.

"What are you talking about? Who are you? What is that? Ooh, it smells good! Can we have some?" Curiosity asked enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Um, yeah, you can have some," the first teen answered, not sure how to answer the other three questions.

"Yeah, we conveniently have a lot of extra," the third added casually. Curiosity skipped over and joined the teens around the fire pit.

Space had followed Curi out of the cabin, but was looking around for GLaDOS, still anxious about his quest to see more space at night. However, only Chell had come out of their cabin.

"Hey. Hey. HEY," Space pressed, poking Chell's shoulder.

"What, what, what?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Hey, where's GLaDOS?" he asked.

"In the cabin?" she replied in a 'no duh' sort of voice, "Why do you ask? Usually you're asking where space is."

"I, uh, wanted to know if we could go somewhere with less trees tonight," Space answered awkwardly, "You know, so we can see space."

"Riiiiight," Chell said, more or less joined by everyone else around the fire who had been wondering why Space would want to talk to GLaDOS when normally he would hide behind the nearest person whenever she looked at him.

By this point half the gang; Chell, Wheatley, Curiosity, and Space; had gathered around the pit with everyone else still being lazy and apparently unaware that there was food. I mean, who wouldn't get up for hot bacon and eggs? Anyway, the girls had introduced themselves. If you've read Average Life you already know who they are.

The first one was Taliax, the second was Lexicon, and the third was Xelac. Do you remember now? They suck at babysitting.

"So, what's going on with GLaDOS?" Wheatley asked cautiously, "Usually she's the first one up, and smacking everyone else to get up."

Chell snickered. "It _might_ have something to do with the fact that I kept her up all night…"

Wheatley looked shocked. "Are you sure that was a good idea?" he asked.

"Really?" Chell asked exasperatedly, rolling her eyes, "This from the guy who was _specifically _designed to come up with bad ideas?"

"Just sayin'…" he muttered, returning to eating his eggs.

At that moment GLaDOS walked out of the cabin, looking oddly pleased with herself, and everyone else went nervously silent.

GLaDOS in a bad mood is a bad sign. GLaDOS in a good mood can be even worse.

"So, how was your night?" Chell asked casually. It was ironic how she was the one who could be the most relaxed around GLaDOS. With both of them as humans, they were evenly matched in terms of destructive power.

GLaDOS grinned slyly. "Much better than you think," she replied, walking over and touching the former test subject lightly on the shoulder, "considering that my revenge will set in soon."

If Chell felt nervous about that, she had a lot of experience with not showing it. There was an awkward silence in the group around the campfire as the rest of the gang _finally_ started to get out of bed and stumble over for food.

"I have an excellent idea!" Xelac said enthusiastically, "Let's change the subject!"

She proceeded to smack Space on the head with a water bottle, reminding him that he had something to ask GLaDOS.

"Uh, uh, hey!" Space called nervously, "Can we, uh, go somewhere that there aren't any trees tonight?"

GLaDOS turned toward him and gave him a questioning look.

"To look at space," he clarified.

"I'm not familiar with this area," she replied, glancing at the thick woodland that surrounded them, "I don't know if there _is_ a place like that anywhere near here."

"We know an open place," Taliax suggested, "We know this park really well."

"Yeah, we've been here for, like, a _month_," Lexicon retorted.

"A month?" Curi asked, "Aren't humans your age supposed to have adults looking after you? Where are your parents? Is there anyone else with you?"

"Nope," Xelac replied casually, "We were supposed to be with this one guy for supervision, but we ditched him on the way."

"So, so, so!" Space butted in excitedly, "So you can take us somewhere we can see space at night?"

"Sure," Taliax replied.

Space gave GLaDOS a pleading look. She sighed and gave him a brisk nod. He immediately started jumping up and down yelling, " YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!"

"Stop that!" she ordered, and he resorted to jittering quietly on a bench beside Curiosity, who was also jittery.

**A/N: So yeah, not much happened other than set the stage for the next chapter, which will also take a very long time to come up. **

**Also, apparently they are in a national park. **


	3. Pranking Our Enemies

Not much happened for the rest of the day. Rick set out to explore the area, or do 'recon' as he put it, or at least try to, since he ended up getting lost. The three teenage girls had to go find him, and he came back with his legs covered with poison ivy.

However, just as the sun was starting to set, and Space was starting to get jumpier by the second, a very unfortunate thing happened.

A white van with Black Mesa's logo on the side drove by, with its windows rolled down and loud techno blasting as the people inside, a couple adults and a group of teens, head-banged. The hair on the back of the necks of every member of the Aperture gang, even Space, who had stopped jittering around, immediately shot up, and even the teenage girls they were forced to share a campsite with seemed uneasy. Luckily, the logo on the side of their van was facing away from the road.

The enemy van passed by without trouble, and a ways down the road it swung into another unit of cabins and disappeared behind the trees as the techno suddenly cut off.

"Was… Was that…?" Wheatley asked nervously.

"I guess so," Chell replied. She had never actually seen Black Mesa's logo, but the look of pure hatred in GLaDOS's eyes when she saw the logo confirmed her suspicions. She never looked at anyone except Chell and Wheatley that way.

"We need to do something about them," she hissed, partly to herself.

"Like what?" Chell asked, a mischievous smile already spreading across her face.

GLaDOS turned to her former test subject. "Aren't _you_ the master of ruining other people's lives?"

Chell thought for a second. "Alright, let's strike a deal. I'll make those Black Mesa guys as miserable as possible to pay you back for last night," she offered.

"You have a deal."

…

As the sun continued to sink lower in the sky, the girls led the group along a trail in the forest to the 'place where they could see space at night', which was a wide open meadow beside a lake. At the shore of the lake was a dock, and a short ways from it was a wooden shack that the girls called the 'Aqua Barn', where canoes and kayaks were kept.

They had started a bonfire close to the shore just before night fell completely, and while almost everyone else was roasting marshmallows, Space and Curiosity skipped hyperactively through the field yelling "SPAAAAAAAACE! YEEEEEHAAAAAW!" and chasing fireflies, which Space called 'Earth stars'.

For a while, most of the group around the fire just chatted idly about your usual topics like narwhals and unicorns and discussing survival tips during a zombie apocalypse.

"So, who wants to help me prank Black Mesa?" Chell asked suddenly, interrupting a debate on whether it would be better to use a shotgun and try to keep a constant supply of ammunition, or to use an axe, which wouldn't have to reload but has a much shorter range. However, once she said that, all chatter stopped and everyone raised their hand.

"WE'LL HELP TOO!" Space called over from where he and Curiosity were laying in the meadow, looking at the sky.

"YEAH!" Curi called, "What're we helping with?"

"In that case, all we need to do now is figure out what prank to pull first," Chell said calmly, "I think we should start out with something classic, then go up from there."

"Saran wrap their toilets," Xelac immediately suggested, "It's classic, simple, fast, and very, _very_ messy!"

"Ha, we _did_ get into a lot of trouble the last time we pulled that one," Chell commented.

"No you didn't!" Wheatley protested angrily, "_I_ was the only one who got in trouble for that!"

"You shouldn't have gotten caught," she said dismissively, "Anyway, we can pull that one really late tonight, when we can be sure that they're all asleep."

…

Well past midnight, a group consisting of Chell, GLaDOS, Wheatley, Intelligence, Xelac and Taliax (yes, the teenage girls involved themselves too, even though they never said exactly why they hated Black Mesa just as much as the Aperture gang did) followed the dirt road to the unit of cabins where their soon-to-be victims slept. They broke off into 3 groups of 2, each group heading to a cabin. One person would place the saran wrap over the toilet while the other kept watch and made sure the ones sleeping in the cabin stayed asleep.

Finally, Xelac and Taliax were pranking the last cabin when Taliax, who was keeping watch, noticed something about one of the girls who they were pranking.

"_Neko_?" she whispered, staring at another 14-year-old girl.

"What is it?" Xelac whispered, leaving the bathroom.

"Isn't that Neko?" Taliax asked, pointing the girl in question.

"…_Traitor_!" Xelac hissed.

Together, they covered the girl's mouth and yanked her silently out of the cabin.

"What're you _doing_?" Chell demanded when she saw them.

Ignoring her, Xelac turned to the victim they had pulled out of the cabin. "Why are you hanging around with Black Mesa, Neko?" she growled.

Neko glared at them fiercely. "I just saw a flier that said 'Free Science Camp!' It was at the same park that you guys were going to, so I signed up for it so I could come annoy _you_!"

"Oh. Well, that explains why so many of the Black Mesa campers are teens," Taliax said, completely calmed down.

"That's a relief," Xelac said, also calmed down, "I mean, if you were really with BM, we'd have to kill you!"

"Do you guys have an extra bed?" Neko asked, "'Cause these guys are annoying. I don't think I can spend another night with them without ripping someone's head off."

"Wait a second, though," Chell interrupted, walking up to them, "We're trying to seriously prank them. You could help us out by being on the inside."

"Just don't use the bathroom in the morning," Xelac warned playfully.

Neko thought for a moment. "Fine, as long as you tell me how to avoid the pranks."

"Okay," Taliax promised.

"Speaking of which, what did you do to the toilets?" Neko asked.

"Saran wrap," Xelac replied, smiling.

…

"You don't look well," GLaDOS observed. As soon as the group returned from their heist, Chell had gone straight to bed, which was unusual. Normally she'd stay hyper for another hour.

"I just feel a little… off," her roommate replied, turned away from her on the bed. Chell rolled over to face her, an accusing glint in her eyes. "We had a deal, you know."

"Yes, but that was made _after_ I set this up," GLaDOS said calmly.

"Then don't expect much more help from me," Chell rolled back over.

"Oh, come on, this'll only last for one night," GLaDOS teased, "Tell you what-from now on, for the rest of this trip at least, I'll keep my science equipment well away from you. And if you _don't_ help me…"

"_Alright_, already!" Chell said exasperatedly, sitting up for a second before a wave of nausea forced her back down.

GLaDOS smirked triumphantly. "In that case, good night. For one of us, at least…"

**A/N: OH MAH GOD I'M BACK. And that wasn't a grammatically correct sentence; at least I don't think it was… Note that this was written at 2 AM.**

**So, yeah, I don't know what else to say. I'm kind of torn on what to do for the next chapter of ALaAS; I will include a Halloween special (even though it's a little late for that, Halloween doesn't have to die just because it's almost December), but before I do that I want to get a random non-Fourth Wall breaking chapter out of the way since my only ideas, for Halloween and future chapters, require a **_**ton**_** of Fourth Wall breaking.**


	4. ATTAAAAAAAAAACK!

**A/N: So, one day on a bus my friend and I were bored (never a good sign) and wrote a theme song for the Fourth Wall Mafia, which in case you don't know is a mafia that writes awesome fanfiction that breaks the Fourth Wall. It's a parody of Dynamite:**

**I came to write, write, write, write, write**

**With all the characters I like, like, like, like, like**

**Inside this 'fic they all do fight, fight, fight, fight, fight**

**With wars between darkness and light, light, light, light**

**Yeah, yeah**

**I write 'fics every single day!**

**I'm writing every single day!**

**I throw my fanfic in the air sometimes**

**Saying oh no, where'd the words go?**

**I like to make characters fight all day**

'**Cause it's funny**

**Hey, plot bunnies!**

**Now it's boring so, I'll make somebody fall**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**I wrote this chapter so, it makes no sense at all**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**And now they'll dance, dance, dance, dance**

**And then they'll find somebody's pants, pants, pants, pants**

**Now I'm kind of scared**

**So I'll backspace, space, space, space, space**

**And write in yet another scene, scene, scene, scene**

**I edit every single day!**

**I edit every single day!**

**I throw my fanfic in the air sometimes**

**Saying oh no, where'd the words go?**

**I like to make characters fight all day**

'**Cause it's funny**

**Hey, plot bunnies!**

**Now it's boring so, I'll make somebody fall**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**I wrote this chapter so, it makes no sense at all**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**I'm gonna mess it all up**

**This is a crackfic so I'm really pumped**

**I'll add a self-insert**

**The wall will be destroyed beyond any hope of repair**

**And now, now, now**

**This 'fic makes me feel dumb, dumb, dumb**

**It got so insane, it's just so insane**

**I think I'm gonna kill it with fire, kill it with fire- FIRE! FIRE! FIIIRE~**

**I throw my fanfic in the air sometimes**

**Saying oh no, where'd the words go?**

**I like to make characters fight all day**

'**Cause it's funny**

**Hey, plot bunnies!**

**Now it's boring so, I'll make somebody fall**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**I wrote this chapter so, it makes no sense at all**

**Gonna blow it up, like it's the fourth wall!**

**Over 400 words and 2 pages later (on my Word document) let's get on with the story!**

The next morning, the gang began to slowly meander out of their cabins to gather around the campfire for breakfast.

"You're up early," Wheatley said teasingly when he left his cabin and noticed that, unlike yesterday, GLaDOS was among the first ones up.

"Last night was much better than the night before, for me at least," she replied calmly, smirking in the direction of her cabin, since Chell still hadn't gotten up.

Wheatley swallowed hard. "Um, what'd you _do_ to her?" he asked nervously.

She only shrugged like she didn't know or care, so he walked over to their cabin and knocked on the door.

"Chell? You alright, mate?" he called.

"Yeah," she replied, opening the door and looking absolutely fine.

Wheatley cocked his head, confused. "What? But GLaDOS said-well, she didn't _say_ of course, but hinted-that she, err…"

"I had to give her _some _sense of triumph," Chell replied, grinning.

"So, she didn't do _anything_?" he asked, still confused.

"Oh, she did _something_," she said, leaning against the doorframe and glaring in no particular direction, "But I've been fine for the last hour."

"Oh. What did she-?"

"Don't ask."

They walked back to the campfire.

"Well. It seems our master of ruining other people's lives has recovered from my little prank," GLaDOS said, glaring at them. She turned towards the road. "Good, because our insider is back."

Neko was half skipping, half walking down the road towards their camp with a triumphant grin.

"Hey! How'd our prank go?" Xelac asked, running up to her with Taliax close behind.

"It was _awesome_!" Neko replied, high-fiving them, "It stunk, but it's awesome! Only four people went, but it still took them hours to clean it all up!"

The girls walked over to the campfire to report.

"Well then, I think it's time we upped the ante," Chell said, grinning evilly, "Tonight, we'll give those Black Mesa guys a real mess to clean up!"

Everyone around the campfire shouted in agreement.

"Oo, what's the plan? What're we going to do now?" Curiosity asked excitedly, bouncing on the bench she and Space were sitting on.

"There's this one guy who, like, sleeps like a rock," Neko reported, "Not even the stench of our last prank woke him, and we had to dump a bucket of water on him to get him up. He's one of the Black Mesa guys who are leading this camp."

"Hmm… We do want to focus on pranking the leaders, unless any of the kids are related to BM," Chell said.

"Well, the camp was meant to be open to anyone, but me and two other kids are the only ones who don't have one or both parents working at BM," Neko replied.

"Alright, then we prank almost everyone. I have a special prank in mind for that one guy, but for everyone else, we can do something more general," Chell said, thinking. "Oh, I know what we can do…"

…

That night, when the Black Mesa campers were sound asleep, the Aperture gang set out, armed with a roll of duct tape and thousands of plastic cups. First, they struck the cabin with Mr. Sleeper, which was the nickname for the guy who sleeps like a rock.

Snoring filled the dark cabin as they crept in, which thankfully drowned out the sound of their entry. Keeping quiet so that they don't disturb his roommate, they carefully lifted Mr. Sleeper up toward the ceiling and placed strands of duct tape underneath him, sticking it to both him and the ceiling. Once they were satisfied they had enough, they let go, and he just hanged there, snoring peacefully like he wasn't duct taped to the ceiling. Quietly high-fiving, they left the cabin to begin phase two of their prank.

They broke into two teams; one team getting out the plastic cups and filling them with water while the other carefully carried the cups into the cabins and covered the floors with them. They left some space around the beds of the other two 'innocent' kids, so that they wouldn't step directly onto the cups when they got up. As for everyone else, well, you get the idea. Neko had decided to sleep in the extra bed at Aperture's campsite.

After hours of careful, quiet work, the gang retreated to their campsite.

…

The next day, Neko returned to the Black Mesa camp to observe the damage.

"So, when I went there, I wasn't even trying to sneak around but none of the adults noticed me," she explained when she came back, "Their pretty pissed about the cups, but last time I checked, ol' Mr. Sleeper was still snoring from the ceiling. Also, according to the kids, apparently they think you kidnapped me."

"Seriously? Even though you were right there?" Taliax asked. Neko nodded.

"I don't know what they're gonna do about it, but their going to the lake today," she reported.

"The lake where we saw Space?" Space asked excitedly.

"Great! That's the perfect place for an ambush!" Xelac said with an evil grin.

"What? You're planning on _attacking_ them?" Wheatley asked nervously.

"Not with you guys," Lexicon replied with an innocent smile, "Just with some, ah, _friends_ of ours."

GLaDOS narrowed her eyes. "Friends?"

The girls laughed mischievously.

"Just come to the lake with us, we'll get you someplace safe to watch, and then we'll call them over," Xelac replied.

With that, the gang departed for the lake. Upon arriving, they found that the campers from Black Mesa had already gathered by the shore; the kids staring boredly while the adults tried to teach them about some plants. Once they noticed the gang approaching, however, they began to whisper angrily among themselves.

Some canoes had been set up by the shore a good distance from the other campers, and while everyone else paddled off to the middle of the lake, the teenage girls stayed behind.

Xelac pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and called the "friends" who were mentioned earlier.

"Hi! You have reached the Portal fan club!" said the girl on the other end as Still Alive blasted from the background.

"Hello, Feep," Xelac replied calmly, "So, me and a couple other authoresses are out camping with the Aperture guys-" she paused while several fangirl squeals came from the other end, which must have been on speaker, "- and we ran into some Black Mesa campers. We were wondering if you could assemble the troops-"

"Yeah, I know what you mean! Oh my science, this is gonna be _awesome_!" Feep yelled before hanging up.

At the edge of the meadow bordering the lake, a portal opened and an army of fangirls spilled out. Some wore test subject jumpsuits while others wore cosplay for cores in human form. They were armed cubes, plastic replicas of portal guns, and other random Aperture Science stuff.

"FOR SCIEEEEEEEEEENCE!" the girl in the lead, who happened to be Feeptheninja, screamed as they charged toward the terrified Black Mesa campers, who had no escape.

They were surrounded by the enraged fangirls and proceeded to be punched, slapped, kicked, and beaten with cubes and the other stuff while the kids who weren't related to Black Mesa somehow managed to walk away unscathed.

After ten minutes of this amusing entertainment, the fangirls chased the Black Mesa guys through the meadow and into the woods. The Aperture gang slowly came back to shore once the fangirls were out of sight.

"Well… That was… Terrifying," Wheatley said, shuddering as he stepped out of the canoe.

"I hate to agree with a moron," GLaDOS said, "But we just witnessed an attack from the second most dangerous breed of humans."

"Oh, really? What's the _most_ dangerous?" Chell asked. Before the former AI could give her predictable answer, a squeal filled the air as she was tackled to the ground.

"What the-? _Get it off!_" GLaDOS yelled, thrashing in an attempt to shake off the 13-year-old girl who had her arms locked around her victim's neck.

"Don't struggle! You're only making it worse," Lexicon said calmly, watching with amusement.

"Alright, Feep, you got her, now let her go!" Xelac commanded, trying to grab the girl's neck.

"NO!" came the defiant reply.

"Let go, or I will suck out all of your bone marrow and replace it with liquid neurotoxin!" GLaDOS threatened in a deathly quiet voice and suddenly stopped struggling. When Feep hesitated for a second, Chell took the opportunity to yank her off. GLaDOS immediately jumped to her feet, glaring at the girl who was now struggling to get out of Chell's grip.

Taliax, shaking her head and trying to keep from bursting out laughing like everyone else was currently doing, snapped her fingers. A portal opened out of thin air and sucked the fangirl inside before closing again.

"How-? How'd you do that?" Wheatley asked, staring at her.

"Magic," she replied simply, shrugging.

Thus, the gang once again headed back to camp, keeping an eye out for any more stray fangirls.

**A/N: And yes, I did ask Feeptheninja if I could use her, in case you were wondering.**

**So, on a more important note, I am planning on starting a new fanfiction at some point. The thing is, I want to make it mostly realistic, and need some help. For more information on that, check my profile. I would really appreciate it. **

**Also, merry Christmas, or whatever else you celebrate around this time, to everyone!**


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